I remember when I was asked if I would give my husband my whole pay-check from work and have him give me the percentage he deems necessary. I answered in the negative deciding to be truthful to myself. I just couldn’t imagine myself handing over the money I had worked so hard for over time to another person. That was the same way I couldn’t imagine demanding my husband handing over his whole pay-check to me. It just doesn’t sit well with me.

This earned me a number of side eye from people in the group who felt that a woman should be willing to defer to her husband. They saw it as a sign of the woman acknowledging her husband as the head of the family. One person even stated that women were meant to support their men in any capacity they can. The person further stated that it was a sign of love and affection towards the man. This was a flawed argument to me, as I felt there are other ways a woman could submit to her husband without having her finances controlled. At the end of the day the support mentioned was not only financial support, it was meant to include, emotional support, physical support and spiritual support etc.

I wasn’t against assisting my husband if and when the need arises but I was very much against giving someone else full control of my money and inevitably every aspect of my life. Such a woman would have to inform the husband each time she needs money by listing the items down. This takes away from the independence of such a woman who is left at the mercy of the husband. This to me doesn’t make for a healthy relationship but for a master and slave relationship with the husband having the upper-hand.

Don’t ever mistake control for love and affection.

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